All You Need is Love..and a Passport!

This weekend has been pretty lazy and possibly unproductive yet just what we needed as we enter into our seventh week of life here in Cambodia. At times, it feels like I have been here for so long and cannot even see the end in sight. Back at home my friends are getting married, babies are being born, weddings are being planned, birthdays and Father's Day are passing by and I'm here on the other side of the world missing it all. While I have no doubt that I'm where I need to be and happy to be here, it does still make me miss home a lot. For the first time since being here, I've struggled with having some up and down days this past week, yet I have come through them!

Sometimes it feels like this is my life now and July 15th will never come. But I am learning that every day here is a new opportunity to grow more in love with my kids and with the God who created them and me and ordained for us to meet. I'm learning that you can't take back time, so I really need to cherish every moment here..and I'm doing just that. I know that on July 14th, I will be wishing I could come back to this moment and take the time back and I don't want to have any regrets because I was too caught up in wishing I could be home.

God continues to meet my needs every time. I've had terrible back pain that has gotten worse over the past few weeks. It seems to be getting better! I've raised over $700 with just a few e-mails and Facebook messages and faithful friends who have given. I'm so blessed by how the Lord has used them..and this is no surprise to him, because it's just part of his wonderful plan!

I brought one book with me to Cambodia, anticipating only being able to read it on the flights since my two weeks here would be busy. Well, staying for an additional 8 weeks ended up leaving me with more time that I thought, so I went through that book pretty fast! It ended up being the perfect book for me to be reading at such a pivotal time in my life. It's called In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day by Mark Batterson, and it's all about stepping out in faith and "chasing a lion." There's no coincidence here..it was divinely planned by God for me to read right at the perfect moment. In fact, the day I decided to stay here was the day I read a chapter about chasing the dream God has called you to.

Emily brought a few books with her, which happened to be some that I have at home and had been planning on reading. I just finished "Velvet Elvis" by Rob Bell and started the "Irresistible Revolution" by Shane Claiborne. It's just crazy to me how God already knows what we will need and is already providing for us before we'd ever think of it. It's no coincidence he would have me read something in a book that was just what I needed to hear. The past few days I have been feeling like I'm not doing enough here in Cambodia. I have this opportunity to spend ten weeks in a third world country where young women and girls are being prostituted every day and children are starving. Yet, I'm living in an orphanage where we have 3 meals a day and are very well taken care of. I constantly feel guilty and like I should be doing more, yet I don't have the means to do so. I don't have a car and I wouldn't know where to find a brothel here during the day time. (It's not exactly safe for us to travel at night as 3 young women.)

Last night, I was reading Claiborne's book and in it he quotes Mother Teresa. She says, "We can do no great things, just small things with great love. It is not how much you do, but how much love you put into doing it." And it hit me. My time here is not about me using every opportunity to do something great. That's not what I'm here for. Some of my friends who are doing internships right now are going to be spending their days feeding the starving orphans and building a new church for a congregation in Africa. But that's not what I'm supposed to be doing right now. I don't need to be doing huge, great things to feel like I'm actually doing something here. It's the small things, like spending time talk with 14-year-old Kanarith, or just sharing in "girl time" with Khourch, Rina, Pattaya and Tokyo which make a difference. It's all about the love that is put into it as well. It's loving Sopheary though she lies to me, or loving on little Sakal, though the poor kid can't control his bladder or his drooling. It's about loving and cherishing each and every moment here, because I won't get this time back.

Each mission will be different each time. I've built a school building in Haiti and given shoes to needy children in Honduras. I may not be doing what seems like a ton of things there all the time, but this is what God has me doing right here, right now. I've spent a lot of time developing relationships with these children and getting to know them on a more personal level. I need to stop feeling like I'm not doing enough, and realize that I am. I don't need to be comparing my internship to someone else's. This is my time to learn what God has planned for me. And it's happening here in Cambodia, living at an orphanage with 75 children for two months, doing small acts of kindness which make a huge difference in the long run, though they seem small now.

This is what I'm here for and learning each day. I realize that I am so far from having anything figured out. In fact, sometimes I feel like I'm struggling more now then I ever have! But, that's okay, because it's all part of the plan. It's part of learning and growing and stretching beyond your comforts all with God holding your hand, helping you along. If it wasn't uncomfortable, we wouldn't be growing or learning.

In other news, have I mentioned my kids love to kill animals? Yes, my precious, lovely little animal murdering children. I still love them despite their cruel way of having fun. They've chased a cat down a tree, and beaten it to death with their shoes because it "didn't have a passport" which I'm taking to mean, it isn't theirs. They butcher a pig every week to eat, but they think it's the most hilarious thing to watch it die. The kitten that does have a passport here is constantly being picked up by it's little ears. They found a bat, murdered it and hung it from the soccer goal. My kids love to murder frogs. I'm not sure why, but they think it's the coolest thing. The little boys catch frogs and then chuck them as far as they can, like you'd throw a ball. And yes, my kids have even crucified a frog on a cross, re-enacting Jesus' death for their sins.

So the other day, the kids were cleaning out the wood shed and moving piles of wood to another place for storage. There happened to be about 10 rats making their home in that wood pile and as the kids were cleaning, more rats came out of hiding! Fortunately, I was not there for this fun adventure..God knows it would not have been good for my lungs (or the kids' ears) to see 10 rats running around at my feet. (So everything in this story was told to me by Amanda who witnessed this.) The kids and the moms were not afraid of these harry rodents with despicable tales. Some of the moms grabbed the rats by their tales and swung them around like a toy. Others preferred to beat the rats to death. But 16 year old Sakada preferred to use the soccer cleats he was wearing to step on and smash any rats he found. Any rats that were dead or slightly alive were all fed to the crocodiles. And whatever the croc's haven't eaten, the bugs will. So, to any animal friends who may be thinking of moving into the orphanage, you better get your "passport!"